I once read a story about a Scorpion stuck in a thorn bush. Someone saw the scorpion and was trying to free it and let it loose. Every time she tried to free the scorpion, it would try and sting her. However, she continued on her mission until she got the creature free and it ungratefully went on its way without turning back to even say goodbye. The reason the person did this despite the pain endured was because it was her nature to help, but the flip side was also that it was the scorpion's nature to sting when its personal space was "invaded" (this besides it unknowingly defending non-existent personal space). So whether being helped or not naturally it will sting. Reflecting on this rather extreme example of kindness, I wondered how I have dealt with such situations in the past, where I have seen a situation where I can clearly assist in some way, or someone I could have helped, yet the counter party may not necessarily share in my intentions nor be easily helped, despite needing the help. It is not every needy situation that is easy to chip in and assist, as in some situations you are stung in the process of assisting. Does this stop you from doing what is in your nature to do? Do you change who you are in line with who you are dealing with? Just some thoughts I have also been grappling with in my interactions with the scorpions of this world. It is the nature of the scorpion to bite, but at least in human behaviour, your intentions can be gauged. Would you persist to help as it your nature, or would you shy away and leave someone to their peril because maybe they do not know any better? I remember in one of my previous posts "Garbage truck encounters", Jay commented and said he "kills them with kindness" and continues to greet people who ignore him because it is his nature to greet. Another fellow blogger also spoke about having adopted a girl child who has been very difficult to integrate into the family, but she continues to guide and support the child as a parent would do, because it is a parent's nature to love. Do you persist in those attributes that are within your good nature, or do you adjust to other people's ways lest you get stung? How fragile are you with your interactions? I have not been able to consistently deal with people according to my own nature. This is something I continuously work on, however, I realise that sometimes I am prejudiced in my behaviour because if I know this is a scorpion, I already work out how I will deal with them differently. Remember, it is a scorpion's nature to sting, whether being helped or not, it naturally stings. What is your nature and how has it been affected by scorpions you came across caught up in thorns and tried to assist? Do you even try or not, and at what point do you wash your hands and give up trying? The assumption to take note of being, someone is really in evidently in trouble and they are also trying to free themselves, but failing. I am in no way suggesting that you are a superhero, but rather suggesting that human nature in general says we should support each other. There is noted trending towards individualism in today's world which affects this issue, so I have pre-empted that part. A lot of questions today, but I hope it gets you thinking in some direction regarding your encounters with people.
Hi Welli, I would like to claim that I persist but outside of family members I usually do not. Gratitude is certainly not required but hostility is not accepted. Probably I tell myself that one only has a certain capacity to give and should focus it on those who will grasp the benefit and help themselves but there is also an element of just not needing negative people in my life and perhaps that is the main reason.
ReplyDeleteActually as I thought about this, I am a chameleon of sorts. I think it comes from a sales background. I learned to sell the way the customer buys, not the way I like to sell. That often met I would have to meet someone in person (aarrgghh!) instead of calling them on the telephone. Or join them at a networking event (gag) instead of meeting them in their office. It usually didn't sting and often I would find myself with a new client.
ReplyDeleteOver from LinkedIn group, BHB
I believe in giving. Being of service. If someone shuns me, I don't persist (unless it is an emergency, like a health situation). There are plenty of people in this world that will willingly take advice and wish others would stop and give it. I like to consider myself as one of those people. It always comes back ten-fold!
ReplyDeleteThe scorpion story is an interesting one, because to me it begs the question is it even a good idea to try to help in some cases? I believe every person and creature is worthy of saving and helping, but in some cases, would it be better to wait until that person is ready to accept help, then you aren't both injured in the process? Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteI have been having this same exact conversation this week about family and people I have worked with. You give and give and give, I don't often ask for help in return... Well, I did ask one person last week for something small and they have not communicated back after I gave a lot. That one I put down to me, what do they say? Shame me once, shame on you, shame me twice... A well timed timed post, thank you!
ReplyDeleteI guess I continue to try and help however it only takes one sting and I am out of there. You get trust out of the gate, no earning needed, but once it's lost...it's lost. Maybe that's a little harsh.
ReplyDeleteI think we expect because you give we expect the other person to give back. When you think like that you are setting yourself up for failure. If you accept that person, bug or animal to behave in a certain way, that is your perception. We look at things differently and really do not know what the other person is truly thinking. The scorpion bit back because of fear. That was instinct, leaving when freed is the survival technique. We as humans do the same thing by building walls around us for protection
ReplyDeleteThe scorpion story raises interesting questions and gives food for thought. I don't think we should be helping people just because we expect gratitude or something in return. But I don't know how long we should persist. Sometimes our definition of "help" may not be what is truly needed. Certainly something to think about.
ReplyDeleteI'll always make every best effort to kill someone with kindness. I found it odd that my mentor teachers always told me to get more in touch with my darkside, because I don't have much of one at all. That being said, over the years one does get better at learning where and how to more effectively channel their efforts to better deal with the scorpions ;)
ReplyDeleteI really like the story of the scorpion. It's a good example to use. It's always been my nature to be helpful so I try my best. However, if after several attempts I don't see any progress - I move on and wait for the person to approach me if they need help.
ReplyDeleteGood day Welli,
ReplyDeleteSometimes I realize that I'm dealing with a scorpion and will still help, but their are days when I'm dealing with that same scorpion and will just leave it be because I know the outcome. It is at this time that I think wait that is not who I am and I refuse to let this scorpion Change who I am because they can't are the good that I am trying to do.
Thanks for the shout out
Several years back I was working with a personal coach and as part of the process I was asked to get my husband, a friend and a colleague to fill out a questionnaire. When the resuts came in, I was told that I showed the same personality traits at work as I did at home. This didn't phase me at all, seemed like an obvious outcome, but my husband and friends all expressed surprise. They said they were all different people at work than they were at home. I'm not sure whether that is the right or wrong. I think it is a very individual thing. I'm not even clear that they are not being true to themselves even though they have different selves. If we are learning, growing and adapting to our environments, then none of us the same person twice.
ReplyDeleteHi Welli,
ReplyDeleteA scorpion response is rude, hurtful and can be useful. Sometimes it tells me I've hit on a deep wound of the "scorpion" that my actions have triggered. Maybe I really do need to back off and away. Or maybe I need to see things differently. I can ask myself: "Is my helpfulness really help?" Many years ago I read a Robin Norwood book that opened my eyes big time. It was called "Women Who Love Too Much." She sure helped me to understand co-dependent behaviour. I will always remember the sign she talks about on her or somebody else's wall. It showed a circle with the top half bright yellow and the bottom half black. The caption read "Help is the sunny side of control."
Help is not always the "sunny side of control" but sometimes it darn well is. Another person may not understand their scorpion response to me, but instinctively they may be able to smell an unwholesome motive that I may not even be consciously aware of. If that's the case, then "biting my hand" is a signal for me to look at myself and in the process free MYself!