Shadows and souls

There are individuals in a team, group, congregation or gathering. There is someone behind a flat empty shadow. Ever thought about the person next to you where ever you could be at any time. In a mall, bus, street, event, supermarket, salon, church or golf course. The person next to you could be dealing with an issue you have no idea about. The lady in your queue could be handling a crisis you are not man enough to handle. The guy in front of you could be working through a mess that you cannot begin to deal with.The shadow around you could be a desperate soul screaming for a break and rescue. Wherever you may be, you could be seeing a totally different picture on the face of someone to that which is inside them. Outside everything could be in order with peace and calm oozing yet inside there is turmoil, confusion and struggle. Good and bad thing I guess, as people will not treat you according to what you dealing with, but also one wants sometimes to be able to deal with their own issues in their own way without people knowing sometimes. The calm on someone's face says nothing about the struggle within them, the toiling and battles in their world as you look at them. Sometimes it shows, but most times we do not pay attention to it and will never know. It is possible to spend a whole day with someone and not know what is eating them inside, unless one has insights enough to dig deeper. It does after all take an effort to care to see through that blank face. To get the story behind that empty gaze or silent posture. It is even possible to work with someone and never know their daily struggles if they do not open up about them. Such is life that we all seem on the same page but we are probably on different books all together. Will you care today to be human enough to see people once again. To see a struggle, a pain a hope, a wish, a dream, an emotion of whatever sort. That is what true humanity and spirituality is about. To bring pure calm and peace to a soul both inside and outside. To leave someone feeling better than they were before an encounter. To be human and not be mechanical and robotic. 

Seeing through closed eyes

There are times when I just want to be blank, not think, see, feel wonder or do anything just for a moment. A moment to just forget about all the cares worries and burdens and not have a care for a while. This is a wish that cannot ever be granted as long as I am alive, for my mind sees through closed eyes and never rests. My vision is not only in my eyes but deep in my mind is where my vision lies. Deep within the partly explained grey matter in my skull unseen by anyone, and whose workings are unknown to many. As much as the grey matter is unseen, it sees way beyond where I am, even when I am in the dark and its works manifest in my actions daily. I cannot be blank, neither think, see, feel nor wonder. I create, build, put together, break, pull down, celebrate and moan and all this happening split seconds apart of each other without effort on my part. My mind speaks while I am silent, walks, runs, even flies while I am sitting down. It jumps, dances and spins around while I am in no mood to do anything physically myself. I see when I do not want to see, as my mind shows me my successes and failures right in front of my closed eyes. It shows me my joys and sorrows as clearly as they happened, be it yesterday or 20 years ago. I can see a face that is no more, even a tree that is no more, as if it was still there. A friend that is no more, a foe even, it does not segregate. There is no discrimination in the mind. I lay in my bed and close my eyes but I still can see so many things. My mind is more powerful than the eye that saw and took in the sight that it sees while the eyes are closed. While my whole being is asleep and innate, the mind plans and sees a future that can be, a life that can avail, a destiny that can unfold. I must just put in the seeds of vision for my mind to work with for whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve.

Contentment: Case of the dripping tap 2

Oprah Winfrey once said "Be thankful for what you have, you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough”. After an insatiable episode of human nature, there is contentment that also pervades the way we live. I have met people who have never left their village, town, city or country and have come to understand it as normal. They have always stayed where they were born and never really felt the need to see anything outside that. They are content with their life as it is. I have spoken to people who do not have a passport, travel is not their plan. Does it mean this person is not as goal oriented as one who has traveled? I do not think so. Within that space of contentment in the little, one will find goals thriving within such a person. They are pursuing their dreams within contentment. Being insatiable does not necessarily mean one is not content for there are areas of contentment and in-satiation within one person  (#human complexity). Contentment to one is in-satiation to another and vice versa. I further look at a water tap, I think to myself, yes a tap can drip, but it doesn't mean that is all it can give. It can give more. Also, the tap can be tightly shut but it does not mean it is now disconnected from its source, it still is connected and can at any time pour out water. All it takes is a trigger, a hand to open that tap and water starts to flow again. If I was the dripping tap, what would I be thinking. I would probably be thinking that yes I am releasing small drops of water now, but I am connected to the source and so I can release more at any time when needed. We all need triggers to get our taps running, but sometimes we are content with who we are and what we have achieved, and it does not take away from the massive source of whatever we have and can do for ourselves or for others whether around us, or far from us. The tap can be opened and we can start once again pursuing something. Our lives are punctuated by contentment in a start - stop - continue manner, where the tap closes and opens when the right moments and triggers come about. We all have reservoirs that we are connected to, in form of experiences, mental capacity, talents, gifts and our passion centers. While we get content in certain areas and during certain times, our reservoirs are continuously there to supply as needed when the triggers come around and we start pursuits of something else, Be it starting a business, philanthropic endeavors, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, or other personal exploits, once the trigger goes off, we move into our destiny. Find part one of this article here

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Take the anger out of a stranger

Everyone who drives in Africa will know of the people that stand at traffic lights and make many a driver angry and annoyed as they try to sell you something or give you promotional material of some sort? Of course there are also those who try to clean your car before the light turns green (call it instant car wash), whether you like it or not. Well I had a different experience last week as I opened my window to receive a red rose with a note saying " do something nice today for a total stranger". What an action oriented and pleasant surprise as well as food for thought!! Believe me or not, I tried to look for a website or telephone number because I thought these were marketers who would have put their contacts there for me to maybe peruse their products or something, but I found none. This is is what motivated me to write about this incident. Doing something good for someone with no thought of something back in return. Do we still have this in our world? Well I can testify that we do after my experience of the day, but maybe we do not have enough of such incidents or people willing to be the one doing it. This is a great humane wave to spread around, for people to just do things for strangers without expecting anything in return, but leave the next person feeling warm and fuzzy inside and still believing in humanity and oneness. There is a lot of strangers around you who can receive something from you, and it does not have to be of value and not necessarily money. A smile seems expensive these days so giving one could be a good thing for a start. Allowing someone to go first in a queue? Stopping to ask someone if everything is well with them when they look stressed, confused or disoriented, offering something priceless to someone. Whatever it is let us do it as a challenge to do something nice for a total stranger today and comment about the effect it makes. I recall giving a young boy from the street, "street kid" as they are called, a pair of old shoes more than 10 years ago and to this day, whenever I drive past where he hangs around in town he comes to have a chat with me without expecting money from me. What have you done for a stranger lately? Have a great day.

Free body, caged mind?

A story is told of a big grizzly bear that was enclosed in a small cage of  5 square feet for years. A new mayor came to town and visiting the zoo saw this huge bear stuck in the small cage and touched by its plight quickly ordered that a larger enclosure be built for the bear so that it would have more space to walk around, explore and play. Work began on this initiative and after some months, a big ceremony was organised with the Mayor coming to give a speech before the release of the bear from the cage to the enclosure. After all the formalities of the day, the mayor cut the ribbon to the enclosure to large cheers and celebration with the door to the cage being opened to the new habitat. As everyone held their breath with quiet anticipation, excitement and anxiety, the bear took the steps to enter the new home, albeit hesitant and with some motivation from the zoo staff. It walked out into the enclosure and stood for a while, then walked 5 feet to the right, another 5 to the right again and another till it returned to its first spot. I am sure there was an anticlimax of sorts for those who could read the poor bear's mind.

The sad story is that this bear represents a lot of people in out world today. They have been freed from many a situation in various ways but have remained stuck in that cage in their minds and can only take the 5 square foot walk in their lives without seeing the opportunities around them. Whether it be safety in comfort or being oblivious to what is possible, the story of a caged mind is a sad one and before we believe we are free to be anything we can be, we need to free our minds to the possibilities, that is when we can truly take advantage of them and rise to succeed in various spheres of life. As TD Jakes spoke on the CD album Woman Thou Art Loosed, the mind is the battleground. He says you can sleep tired and still wake up tired, not because you were working all night, but because you fought a large battle in the mind while you slept. If it cannot be done in your mind, it cannot be done anywhere else. Any battle you win in your mind is already won when you take action. If the shackles have been taken off your feet, let them come off your mind as well and you will achieve greatness. What ever is happening in your mind will be seen in what you do outside. All the best in freeing your mind.

Here are some great mind quotes.

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!

Bob Marley

What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds.

Wayne Dyer

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

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No Buts - just a thought

"I slept like a baby, woke up ready to conquer the world, enjoyed my power breakfast and dressed in my best suit for the day, with everything set for a great productive and victorious day, but the traffic law breaking taxi driver spoiled everything and I ended up in the hospital.

"I had a horrible night punctuated by nightmares tossing and turning all night and in streaks of sweat. I woke up grumpy, tired and barely had breakfast. When I finally jumped out of the house the car would not start and so I was late for work, but that show on radio changed everything and I ended up having an awesome day."

Two totally contrasting statements talking about how a day can end up between two different people, good or bad. This is a typical day that the best of us goes through in a lifetime. I am not dwelling on that, to the contrary, the use of the word 'but' is my key point. In the two statements above, everything changes after 'but' and hence there is need to breathe before the tide turns. Hence some will give weight to it by breathing out the but, sing it and drag it out as if it is a long word, yet it is only 3 letters. It is a word that we take for granted when we speak. We use it everyday whether to avoid unwanted appointments (I would have come, but....), or to give and excuse (I wanted to finish the report today, but....), reveal misunderstanding (..., but I thought you said I should....), to kill a dream (..., but I am not good enough), or justify wrong doing (I would not have hit him, but....). How many buts do you give in a day and are they all supposed to be there? When someone uses a but, it is an argument or objection against something. It is a word that contrasts with what has already been said, and so basically when someone says but, you can almost know what follows. When you return from an interview and they call you back with feedback and say something like "you were great and you have solid experience which aligns with what we are looking for, but...." then you know you probably did not get the job. Interesting word is it not? It is almost a pre-emptive word for the person it is directed to. You may as well put the phone down after you hear 'but' right? Wrong, because it goes both ways in fact and can be pre-emptive in both a positive and negative way. The same person who says the above could say "we felt that you were weak in one or two areas and you need more experience and training within this area, but...." now that is a but you want to listen to because it can be a negative to a positive. I mostly love the use of buts when I listen to inspirational stories. He grew up without parents but.....or she lost her sight but....or she lost everything but.... If I was to give my own experience I would say I failed my driving test twice, but I had to press on and break the block of fear until I succeeded. The buts we can eliminate are those that stop us from doing what we set out to achieve. Those buts where we blame our past/history, upbringing or other people for failing to pursue what we want and need to. What buts have you spoken to justify not pursuing a dream lately? Are you aware when you say but. If there was a "no buts challenge" would it be something you can sign up for and possibly win?  Just a thought.

Simple complication

When something is complicated, it consists of many interconnecting parts or elements and is intricate. It is something or someone not easily understood or explained a man perhaps?…ok bad example and may need an expert of some sort to break it down. Take aerospace engineering or mathematics where one cannot just delve into and easily understand what goes on without some kind of training, support and coaching. I even remember myself mentioning at some point in my academic life that mathematics was complicated because of the equations and formulae. These are complicated fields which very few put on top of their “to study list” as confirmed by the number of rocket scientists who will read this post. “You do not need to be rocket scientist to..…..” is usually used as a blackmail statement to  coerce someone to understand a concept deemed simple by the other person. A complication often arises in the medical industry when in the process of trying to achieve a desired outcome during a normal and simple day to day procedure, an un-expected problem occurs whether by accident or due to unknown factors. This then leads to more work and time to complete the procedure successfully if there will be a good ending otherwise a fatality occurs as a result of the complication as the doctors may not be aware of how they can remedy the situation. I will not talk much about these professional and academic types of complications. save to say "its complicated" is a good way to avoid explaining something you really do not want to explain to someone at that time. I will rather be the lay man that I am and talk about a simpler type of complication I found in today’s world. Since the above types of complicated have been in existence, the world has changed quite a bit. It has become necessary to have another type of complication in an already complicated world and this relates to relationships. You just need to go on to Facebook or various other social media platforms and view a couple of relationship statuses to believe me. I am not sure whether it is really that hard to explain the relationship, or there is no effort at all to try and explain. I will steer away from the other one where it is rather an alibi to lure unassuming “friends” and assume it is hard to explain. One can now easily get away with “it’s complicated” in many a discussion meaning there are too many interconnected relationships going on there to explain clearly to someone, or are there? How complicated can a relationship be? Where pedigree and lineage is concerned things can also get really complicated apparently. I thought one is either your father, aunt, grandpa, brother, mother and so forth, but I had to change my view. I had no idea it can even be more complicated than aeronautics and derivative financial instruments, forget mathematics. If you do not believe me, listen to an animated rendition of Ray Stephens' song below and maybe you will get a feel of why it can be hard to explain relationships. Laughter is always the best medicine and as comics say, people enjoy laughing at themselves most, so go ahead and have a good laugh.

Reminiscing the constants

One morning I recognized the song of a bird I had always heard sing since I was a little boy growing up in the village herding cattle during school holidays. It sounded exactly the same as it did those many years ago and at that moment, my mind raced through time pulling out memories consistent with that bird song. It is rare to hear a distinct bird song in a built up urban area, and in the hustle and bustle of a city where everyone is always in a rush, coupled with the blinkers that the city gives one. I realized how priceless a moment it was for me just listening to that bird sing. Many things have changed since the time I used to hear this bird sing when I was young. I have grown and changed in many ways in terms of stature, goals, dreams, aspirations and circumstances, but the way I felt when I heard that bird sing seemed to resonate as unchanged within me. I reminisced through time and space hearing voices, seeing faces and places corresponding to the song.

That's just the way it is
Some things will never change, as Bruce Hornsby and Tupac sang in "The way it is" and "Changes" respectively, however as much as they confirm my assertions, they would both be shocked to see the changes that have occurred in the world, particularly relating to the issues they sang about, with more tolerance being the general norm in the vast of communities and with respect to many areas of society. There are certain food items which you know for their special 'distinct original taste' and when you crave for them you expect that exact taste and no other. People often say 'just like my mama or grandma used to make it'. What role do changing tastes play if people still desire old school tastes from when they were younger? Does taste change with time because everything changes also? Coca cola has become famous for its secret beverage formula/ingredient distinct from any other and if you were to want to drink a coke you would specifically ask for a coca cola and not just something similar. Think of flora and fauna, the way flowers brighten up a room, the jacaranda trees lining up a street in spring or the way a dog barks, a cock crows, cow moos or a bird sings. There is a certain consistency to these elements of life since creation, and I believe we implicitly enjoy the status-quo without eagerly expecting changes and we do not even need to think about it. The way the sun rises and sets or the day starts and ends. Change is talked about as both a necessity and an inevitable in today's world, but I am glad we also accept that there are constants we should maintain. Those things that have not changed through time, since we have known them. The consistent variables that have carried on though time the same way and which serve as foundations and beacons of life.

Experiencing history

National Museum of African Art

Many people, including fellow writers and bloggers have travelled sometimes on flat tires and slow boats to places of interest and heritage sites just to adore and immerse themselves in culture, art, history and creativity that perhaps would not be seen had it not been preserved by others watching over it. The museums, art galleries and world heritage sites which carry beauty and art that was, before we were and will be for years to come, given acts of parliament passed to preserve them. These now remain as constants of our humanity which in itself possesses components that change all the time. The only lobbying that happens is for these historic components of life to be strongly preserved as many enjoy their consistency. The constants are constants only as far as we make efforts to preserve them for future generations. 'Man' has therefore realized that certain constants of life become extinct if not preserved, think rhino for a moment and the ongoing efforts to save them.  In Egypt King Tutankhamun's tomb was undisturbed for 3,000 years and remained intact, but in the 90 years since its discovery, the ancient burial chamber has deteriorated abruptly as a result of tourist visits. Now an exact replica of Tutankhamun's tomb has been created as a way to preserve the original which will now be locked away as it was weathering and depreciating too quickly due the breathing of masses of tourist visitors affecting the atmosphere in the chambers. While this defeats the whole point of having history and culture, it is a matter of principle necessary to ironically maintain the same history intact that now cannot be seen in its original state. Everyone loves the constants of life and pays a price to experience them. These constants have a way of reminding us of our roots and history as well as background including people who come into and out of our lives. Besides the cliché "the only constant in the world today is change", what is your view on change in light of the above? Could change be overrated in today's world and do you have something within your life which you long would remain constant and never change?

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Consumed with acronyms

1. TGIF!
2. B.t.w I need to ask you something important
3. Please R.S.V.P if you will be attending.
4. The Q & A session should be roughly about 30 minutes.
5. I will get back to you w.r.t the discussion we had.
6. FYI our AFS show that YTD profits fell due to factors TBA.
7. It is a G55, 4dr, 4WD, 5.5L, AMG SUV with massive horse power.
8. Can we sit down and see how we can proceed i.t.o of the deal structure.
9. When you get to the ATM, please check a.s.a.p if the funds have been deposited.

I spoke to a colleague at the office last week and realized how acronyms have become such an integral part of our lives. You can have an on-going conversation with someone using acronyms, yet another person can not join in and follow the conversation, and that is how this post came to be. There are organizational, technical, process flow, conversational and many other types of acronyms. Above is just a short list of some of the daily acronyms we use without even blinking or thinking about them. Mostly clean with a few bad ones floating around here and there when things do not go according to plan, but on this blog I will stick to the ones above. We are a world consumed with shortening everything, more so if the length of some pieces of clothing nowadays is any comparison, but that is besides the point. The world has become so efficient at communicating, with calculated streamlining of the way we communicate to ensure optimal use of letters and words. Why take the whole alphabet when you can simply use three or four letters and say the same thing? Not sure whether it is efficiency of pure laziness though, especially if one has to analyze social media type communication where typing may need to be quickened in some way or else the essence of the discussion can be lost to delayed responses. In social media lingo acronyms therefore tend to be the normal conversational mode as much as some business type informal communication have bits and pieces of acronyms as well. There is now an acronym for virtually everything, from short ones like "how are you doing - HUD" to long ones like "I agree with this comment so much IAWTCSM", which most writers and bloggers will never use talking from experience. Anyway that is a topic for another day.

Unwritten rules
One cannot dispute the fact that some acronyms have become more of normal words themselves so much that the full version of the acronym can easily be forgotten. Most people who frequently get event invites will know what to R.S.V.P is, but can you imagine trying to tell a friend to "Répondez s'il vous plait"? That is the un-abbreviated statement but unless you both did French lessons, it will get you two stares, first for failing to say the French properly and second for saying something you should have known they clearly do not understand, even though ironically the person will easily recognize when you mention the acronym as a word. On the flip side, some acronyms are just that, acronyms. It is more intriguing when one uses acronyms in verbal rather than in written communication. Can you imagine saying statement number 2 verbally? Statement number 9 however, can easily be spoken verbally without sounding awkward. So there seems to be some unwritten rules in the use acronyms. How does society set these unwritten rules of what works and what does not, and how do the rules evolve over time? Is there a limit to the use of acronyms within your own daily life or do you use them passively without thinking about them? Maybe you have been so consumed and overzealous with acronyms and have had to explain in full to an acronyms novice. How do you feel about the invasion of acronyms and how much have you embraced them as part of your communication toolkit?

Unblinker your view

In an experiment initiated by a Washington Post columnist, Joshua Bell donned a baseball cap and jeans during the morning rush hour of 27th January 2007 and played as an incognito busker at a Metro subway station in Washington, D.C. Now this is a rather old story which you may have come across already, but I want to share some thoughts I picked up. While he played, 1 097 people walked past, but only 7 people stopped to listen to him for a minute or more, while only 1 person recognized him. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written and this with a violin worth more than $3 million. His almost 45-minute performance raised $32.17 from 27 passersby (excluding $20 from the passerby who recognized him). Three days before this, he had earned incomparably more playing the same repertoire at a sold out concert in Boston with an average cost per seat of $100.  Joshua Bell is one of the most acclaimed classical musicians of today. He is an American Grammy Award -winning violinist and conductor and was named an Indiana Living Legend receiving the Indiana Governor's Arts Award. He also received the Avery Fisher Prize, given once every few years to classical instrumentalists for outstanding achievement.

Blinkered society?
In a previous post entitled Hidden treasures walking past, I spoke about how every day we walk past hidden treasures or value that we seldom recognize because we do not make small effort to find it. The experiment above begs many questions among which are; What matters more, experience or the value inherent in the experience? Are we a heavily contextual society that only defines excellence, beauty and value by the environment and atmosphere in which we find it? Oh, but of course, it was the wrong setting, wrong audience, timing and performance outfit. It would seem to me that we have blinkers on, which make us perceive, view, see, and place value selectively. I do appreciate that people are more willing to pay for an experience, and Joshua himself alludes to the fact that performing in a noisy subway proved more difficult, as he would perform optimally when there is pin drop silence. Does excellence, perfection and beauty lose value because of context? The point was made, we do not perceive beauty or excellence for what it is, but for how we perceive it and what we have been told and made to believe it is. Under normal circumstances, headlines would have put it out there and billed the performance as a rare must see act, thereby creating hype and a sense of value, but well, no one said it was Joshua Bell performing, did they? A priceless performance for free, and it went unnoticed. What a thought provoking experiment this was. I love this experiment and what it sought to bring out in human behavior. For me, the lesson is to always 'stop and smell the coffee' as it were, without downing the cup quicker than the sugar settles. This is my challenge to you, as much as it was back then, to avoid missing the subtle excellence, beauty and value around you because it is not disguised in the packaging you expect. I believe that value within matters more than the external packaging it comes in. After all some of us rip off the gift wrapping from gifts we receive in the rush to see the gift contained therein.

Removing blinkers
A blinkered view is one where there is narrow, limited and partial awareness or vision. It is important to keep your eyes and ears open to what can be rather than what seems to be. Time is a rare commodity in our day and age, but what is life without embracing the beauty and value around us, while caught up in the rat race? Here is a few points to avoid missing excellence around you.

1. Always keep time and space for something new to come up each day. It will make you see what others do not see.
2. Avoid the familiarity syndrome where everything seems like dejavu, and you have been there, done that, seen or heard it before.
3. It is not out of fashion to stop and appreciate in some way that act on the street seeking their breakthrough, they are making an honest living.
4. Try not to have your whole life filled with work and business activities. Create free time for your mind to break out of the rut.
5. Have a child like perspective which seeks to discover and learn always.

Second chances...
With the experimental legacy of being the subway performer who received no recognition lingering, Joshua Bell is now focusing on turning that legacy around. He is planning another public performance in the Main Hall at Washington's Union Station on the 30th of September 2014, in aid of National Young Arts Foundation, accompanied by nine students he mentored and with the goal of promoting music education. This will also coincide with the debut of his new album. I believe it will be a more memorable performance with the attention it deserves and the desired legacy.

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Heart shaped head

The Scottish referendum has come and gone and the union of the United Kingdom prevailed.  It was described as a matter of head versus heart as people reminisced being part of a strong and mighty family unit with Britain, while flirting with the possibility of becoming an independent country. Head being the logical and rational part that assessed all the pros and cons and the risks of breaking away, and heart being the emotional part seeking to try something new with confidence and zeal to go it alone and explore possibilities. I would argue that the heart also meant staying within the union and being part of a 300 year old family unit as this would be an emotional side of deciding. Which would mean there were two hearts involved on opposite sides plus a single head. The referendum helped people reflect on the meaning of Scotland to them and what they wanted for their homeland going forward. When asked what Scotland meant to him, a certain gentleman said, "It is home, the place I miss when I go to places that are more fabulous than Scotland". I liked this statement a lot as I identify with it. This was the heart speaking, as he did not need to make a logical assessment of data and facts to make this conclusion. In fact the statement acknowledges that there are better places than home, but home is chosen any day and anyway. Scientifically, human beings are considered to be wired towards the heart, in decision making as this is the easiest way out.  If one tries to use the head in decision making, it means a lot of effort in assessing data and facts to come to a rational decision. Heart simply decides using a process of how one feels. Since according to my theory, the head was also supported by a heart on the same side of staying in the union, the head won or should I say the heart won? A majority of Scots chose to stay in the union, with fear of the unknown probably being the deciding factor in this case.

Here are some quotes on the workings of the head and the heart.

• If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart - Nelson Mandela

• A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart - Jonathan Swift

• A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination - Nelson Mandela

• There is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart - Charles Dickens

• I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head - Theodore Roosevelt

• Fine art is that in which the hand, the head, and the heart of man go together - John Ruskin

• Keep your head and heart going in the right direction, and you won't have to worry about your feet- Unknown quotes 

 

Both the head and heart are needed in decision making and they are equally important, as some of the quotes above allude to. Every decision goes through a process based on either the head, heart or a combination of both, and being naturally inclined to make heart based decisions, most people take the easy way out and decide on how they feel. Be it buying a car, especially buying a car - statements like "can you hear the engine roar, oh check out that mean grill". Of course! And how about fuel consumption, and does it actually stop when you need it to? Out the window. More so where love is concerned, where most follow their heart more than their head. Many a friendships or family relations have been torn apart as a result of someone who is using the head, fighting a heart based decision. How though, can you fight a heart issue using the head? It is a foregone conclusion for many is it not? The heart does speak louder than the head in relational issues it seems. Over to you for now. Are you logical and rational, assessing all facts and figures and options methodically, or emotional and nostalgic, going with your gut feel? I thought about it and found that depending on situations, I use a mix of head and heart, with heart trumping head along social lines. How does head against heart pit each other in your life?


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The great reach

When you stretch out your hand and touch or grab at something you reach for it. When you drive, ride, fly or walk and arrive at a destination, you reach the destination (this is very clearly stated by the voice in the system if you are using a GPS). When you affect and influence people across a wide geographic spectrum, you have a reach covering that audience. You reach for something, reach a destination, reach a person, reach a milestone and reach a goal. What an interesting word, REACH. Reach is a very rich word, is it not?  I was just wondering how reach applies to my own life and that of everyone else around me. What am I reaching for, who am I trying to reach and what destination will I reach with where I am facing and at my current pace? The answer was a plain and simple one. I must be on a correct path be moving not stagnant. Couple of times I have been driving and tried to reach for something in the back seat, but because I cannot simultaneously remove my eyes off the road, I miss it a couple of times, and end up stopping the car so that I can get the item. Either I reach in the wrong direction, or my reach is too short to where the item is, both which deny me my goal. If you reach out to the wrong thing you will not get the result you want and you may even get burnt, literally or figuratively, if you reach the wrong destination, you may need to re-trace your steps and re-route to the correct one. If you reach the wrong audience you may receive negative criticism and be discouraged thinking you did the wrong thing.

 

Everyday reach

Reach is something we do everyday of our lives knowingly or unknowingly, spoken or unspoken. In the morning I reach for the towel after a shower or bath, then reach for the shelf, rack or drawer where my clothes are. I then reach for the cereal box up in that high cupboard for a healthy breakfast and then reach for the car keys as I rush to drive out. We reach different places, the office, our house, church, conference venue or a function. We reach out to different people, our family, friends, workmates and other people, maybe because we are extroverts or we just care about them. We are always reaching for something or someone, and sometimes we find out and make peace with the fact that certain things are out of reach, and we realign our intent to reach with our possibilities. Inevitably however, at some point we reach the end of our lives. This is one destination we do not intentionally reach out for, but we find ourselves there anyway. Now the question that comes is, when you reach that point in life, would you have reached where you were going and in the process, the people you wanted to reach? I not only want to reach milestones, but I also want to reach people and places. It is a decision I have reached as I thought about the effect of reach on my life. Now you can reach your own conclusions and maybe continue on your current path, or change direction and start reaching for your goals and also reaching out to the people you need to reach in your life. Enjoy the journey and hopefully smile when you reach your destination.

Biting the hand that frees

I once read a story about a Scorpion stuck in a thorn bush. Someone saw the scorpion and was trying to free it and let it loose. Every time she tried to free the scorpion, it would try and sting her. However, she continued on her mission until she got the creature free and it ungratefully went on its way without turning back to even say goodbye. The reason the person did this despite the pain endured was because it was her nature to help, but the flip side was also that it was the scorpion's nature to sting when its personal space was "invaded" (this besides it unknowingly defending non-existent personal space). So whether being helped or not naturally it will sting. Reflecting on this rather extreme example of kindness, I wondered how I have dealt with such situations in the past, where I have seen a situation where I can clearly assist in some way, or someone I could have helped, yet the counter party may not necessarily share in my intentions nor be easily helped, despite needing the help. It is not every needy situation that is easy to chip in and assist, as in some situations you are stung in the process of assisting. Does this stop you from doing what is in your nature to do? Do you change who you are in line with who you are dealing with? Just some thoughts I have also been grappling with in my interactions with the scorpions of this world. It is the nature of the scorpion to bite, but at least in human behaviour, your intentions can be gauged. Would you persist to help as it your nature, or would you shy away and leave someone to their peril because maybe they do not know any better?

I remember in one of my previous posts "Garbage truck encounters", Jay commented and said he "kills them with kindness" and continues to greet people who ignore him because it is his nature to greet. Another fellow blogger also spoke about having adopted a girl child who has been very difficult to integrate into the family, but she continues to guide and support the child as a parent would do, because it is a parent's nature to love. Do you persist in those attributes that are within your good nature, or do you adjust to other people's ways lest you get stung? How fragile are you with your interactions? I have not been able to consistently deal with people according to my own nature. This is something I continuously work on, however, I realise that sometimes I am prejudiced in my behaviour because if I know this is a scorpion, I already work out how I will deal with them differently. Remember, it is a scorpion's nature to sting, whether being helped or not, it naturally stings. What is your nature and how has it been affected by scorpions you came across caught up in thorns and tried to assist? Do you even try or not, and at what point do you wash your hands and give up trying? The assumption to take note of being, someone is really in evidently in trouble and they are also trying to free themselves, but failing. I am in no way suggesting that you are a superhero, but rather suggesting that human nature in general says we should support each other. There is noted trending towards individualism in today's world which affects this issue, so I have pre-empted that part. A lot of questions today, but I hope it gets you thinking in some direction regarding your encounters with people.

Trait wish list

Life is a daily battle of trying to be better in habit and in execution of duty and actions. We are constantly fighting internal battles of reflection and questioning on whether we handled certain situations well, responded appropriately or gave it our best shot. How could I have done it better or what would that person I look up to have done in similar circumstances? A trait is a distinguishing feature of a person's character. In 1726 at the age of 20, Benjamin Franklin listed 13 character traits which he felt were desirable, but which he lacked. He thought that nurturing these in his life would bring positive change. He then worked on these desired virtues over four thirteen week cycles, fostering and indoctrinating himself with each trait daily. There are some character traits we aspire to but definitely know that we do not possess. I realise I am not very diplomatic at times in communicating and need to be more empathetic in relating with people around me. I also have been learning the trait of silence from Benjamin Franklin. Knowing when to be quiet and when to speak and listening more. If traits could be on a shopping list, which traits would you shop for? What is already in your checkout basket and how are you planning to work on making that trait a part of your life going forward? Below are the traits that Benjamin Franklin worked on. Do you identify with any, or you have your own long list?

Temperance: "Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation."

Order: "Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time."

Resolution: "Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."

Frugality: "Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing."

Moderation: "Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve."

Industry: "Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions."

Cleanliness: "Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation."

Tranquility: "Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable."

Silence: "Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation."

Sincerity: "Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly."

Justice: "Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty."

Chastity: "Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."

Humility: "Imitate Jesus and Socrates."

Have a great week as you shape your person both internally and externally.

Director of life

I am a few days off with this one as Mothers' day just passed last Sunday, but it is always mum's day I would say, and there is no better way to put across the role of a mother as was portrayed in the clip below. What a way to reflect on the true role of a mother, the "no interview, no shift and no job conditions negotiated role", willingly executed without upfront agreed compensation and a long list of perquisites and benefits. I just could not resist posting this and reflecting on my own experiences with my mother. Interesting how no one, after getting the full job specification ended up wanting to take the post, thinking it was in-human and cruel to even be given such a proposed job offer, there is indeed some exaggeration or two but the point does get home. Food for thought and a great tribute to all the mothers out there.

God bless our mums.

Can you continue without a reboot?

My system is freezing

You have been working on your computer for days and suddenly the system freezes. You call IT support and almost 100% of the time, they will ask if you have tried to reboot. If not, you will most certainly hear the infamous words "please reboot and try again and let me know if the problem continues". Whether on a personal computer, satellite receiver or smart phone, there is a point when tech support will say the inevitable, especially if, you had worked long and hard on a computer without auto saving (fortunately you can recover your work sometimes). Why do the all knowing specialists say we must do this first before they get up and attend to the problem? Apparently, a reboot fixes a lot of minor system glitches that have developed and accumulated over time, though it may in some cases reveal deeper problems that have also developed. The problems cause a device to freeze or fail to open certain programs and functions simultaneously slowing performance. A lot of times the reboot trick works because, as soon as the reboot is complete, you get a smile from a frown, relief from stress and progress once more. Switch off and back on, or reboot, and the machine seems to find recover. Rebooting enables the system to check itself, reset and reconfigure before continuing.

Gremlins in the system

In hindsight of my prior inspirational posts such as Being Extraordinary, Can you do more, Journey to greatness and Get up, get over it and get going to name but a few, I thought about the quiet and unproductive but, most imperative and critical times of life. The times when a reboot is required in one form or another. The time when because of all the system processes running in the background, your performance has rather slowed down and your feel frozen and unproductive. The reboot phases of human nature, when everything maybe is not working out as planned, or not making sense and you cannot push anymore or set goals and do more. You have mapped out, planned, implemented and executed but results did not materialise, or they went the opposite way. When disillusionment and dis-orientation kicks in and you feel like everything is passing you by in fast forward mode while you are standing still watching. How do you get a fix on yourself to get back on track and start moving again? Could it be possible that there is a way that we as people switch off and on again (reboot), to get our processors back on track and functioning optimally again? I think there are times when you just need to clear out your mind of everything that has accumulated over time. Take yourself out of your own shot as it were, and take the director's chair and watch and figure out whether the scene is taking shape or not.

The fix

As much as the mind is such a powerful organ and tool, capable of all these complex functions all at once, I believe a reboot is needed every now and then. When one archives and put into perspective the overload of issues, be it successes, failures, hurts, joys, disappointments and celebrations, which could be slowing the system down and making the current shot freeze. That short time of switching off and back on again, is way shorter than the time it would take to try and push on with a clogged system. Do you reboot through a morning mediation process, yoga, annual retreat or vacation, or do you in fact get someone to come and reboot your system like an IT guy would come and try fix that problem, in which case it could be a near crash. Reboot exercises improve your performance and make you feel better and more ready to face each day. It breaks the monotony and pressure of life issues and resets your system. A reboot is better than a total system crash as, many times it means your system is still functioning, but needs to clear up and start again with better memory, goals, and perspective. You need to get things working again, but inevitably, or in fact, good for you, you have to take that 5 or 10 minute break (which could be days, months or a year for some), while the system reconfigures and starts up again. It may seem like a bad thing slowing you down, if you deem yourself as being behind, but it is way better than a total system collapse, when you cannot proceed at all and everything comes to a complete stop, and so it is a yes from me. Rebooting every once in a while before we push on with those endeavours. What are your experiences with the rebooting phases of your life? I hope it was not near death experiences.

Insatiable: Case of the dripping tap

Rewind

On the last day of high school during morning assembly, the Chaplain spoke about our future. He spoke about how we were done with school, but now starting out in life, with new dreams, aspirations, goals and desires. I did not pay too much attention to the bulk of this sermon, as I was only happy that high school was done and all the pain of study had come to an end, but found something in it captivating. The sermon spoke about how God created us as pursuers who discount what we have accomplished already, looking to the next best thing. I have chosen the word insatiable to define the part of human nature which keeps us hungry for more in life. Words used in the definition of insatiable include, incapable of being satisfied or appeased, thirst, appetite, desire, curiosity, hunger, need or even greed. The Oxford Dictionary tilts the word to especially refer to desire for sex, which I will steer clear of given the context of my objective. Reflecting back on that sermon years ago, I see what the Chaplain meant, as I have grown to see how insatiable I am as a human being.

The Paradox

I have goals that I pursue and some of them are on-going but most are attainable and achievable goals, which are short term in nature, soon goals no more. Once I attain some of these goals, I feel an urge to look for something else to pursue. That hunger, curiosity and thirst always comes up and needs to be fed. While I am pursuing something, sometimes, it feels like pain and hard work, and I only wish I was done with it, but once I am done, I am so used to being consumed and cannot just be doing nothing. I am therefore soon busy looking for more pain and hard work to consume me. What is this thirst within me? Why am I like this all the time throughout my life? The paradox of this is that, I enjoy having new goals and targets to follow at any point in my life. And these are not always big hairy audacious goals, but can be small goals I want to tick off my to do list. I recently spoke to a friend who ran the Comrades Marathon (89km race), and is now going for the Kilimanjaro Marathon (42km race). These are not easy races to run, and if I had personally completed the Comrades, I would gladly place that feather on my cap and take a bow, well that is what I think, but I could be wrong as well. She obviously feels that itch to conquer something else that most of us feel.

Bringing the tap

I am reminded of a dripping water tap, which does not stop releasing small drops of water. It is much like this insatiable part of human nature which drips these urges of desire and hunger, continuously pushing us to do more. There is always another race to run, another mountain to climb or a new feat to achieve. The drops seem small, but the source where the water comes from is massive, hence the tap keeps dripping day and night. Even while you sleep, you awake with a new idea for something new. The source keeps feeding your tap and it drips on. Once I reach a goal, it no longer motivates me, and I seek another motivating goal to pursue. I am always aspiring and looking forward to something that I can achieve. I thrive on that pursuit, to achieve, to overcome and to go further. I suppose I speak for many when I say we are insatiable beings (remember the disclaimer for the Oxford definition). Personally, I have never really stopped studying, despite completing a number of courses this far, I find myself starting on something else, though it sometimes gets tough and I may even develop cognitive dissonance in the process. I have written another blog titled "What is important?", and will hasten to refer back to it as a guiding principle when the tap drips. What are your own experiences and stories related to this? Is your tap dripping that continuous desire and how is it driving you further? How does your quest to tick off "100 things to do before I die" conflict or compliment the opportunity cost of time you could be spending in other ways?

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Where is your speedometer?

I am not much of a petrol head but I do have an affinity for cars and often when people talk of engine capacity I hear them talk about a 2 litre or 3 litre engine. What they are talking about is cubic centimeters (often mentioned as CC) which define the volume of the area where pistons operate within an engine. Thus a 2000cc vehicle is a 2 litre engine and this determines power and speed. In the United States on average vehicles are 2500cc. A Bugatti Veyron has a 7993cc engine capacity Now that is awesome power, because engine size is proportional to power generation that comes out of the engine. Without being too technical and maybe lose interest from some of the not so auto-technically inclined readers, a car can operationally have such massive capacity but it cannot be driven for a grocery store trip at that maximum speed, well it can but there are various restrictions that make it not feasible. So basically most cars on the streets have excess unrealised capacity because the makers have made them to do more than is practically, legally and economically possible and safe. Now think about yourself for a moment. How much capacity would you think you have in you? Would you place yourself at 800cc,2000cc or maybe 7993cc (just have a car in mind now). In other words, are you a small car, like a Chevy Spark Lite at 995cc and 96mph top speed type car or a Bugatti Veyron at 7993cc and 267mph top speed? Where is the speedometer of your life currently as you read this? Are you at 0 mph, somewhere in between maybe 70 mph, or somewhere over 100 mph? I was just thinking about how we have an in-built capacity just like a vehicle, but we do not always push ourselves to do what we can achieve. A quote by Napoleon Hill says 'Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve'. This is because there is always unused capacity inside us of which, we ourselves may not even be aware. Some of us are 8 litre engines doing 20 mph on the freeway and you know what reaction you get from other drivers. The opposite is true for those who push themselves beyond limits of capacity. The issue is not about being a sports car or not, but about whether you are maximizing the capacity you possess. Contrary to the popular myth about brain use, humans in fact are capable of using 100% of their brain, although not all faculties are always engaged at levels they can perform optimally. At any point in time at least 45% of the brain is active, however not everyone maximises on their mind. Would it not be sad to waste such untapped capacity within us? And for us capacity is so vast, it is not necessarily related to speed, although it can be if you are an athlete. There is so much more that our capacity represents. Creativity, business acumen, philanthropy, exploration, science, sport and all sorts of innovations. However, we have so many forms of restrictions that pull us back and get our feet off the pedal and on brakes most of the time. Brakes are good for introspection, but why not start pushing your speedometer up a bit and see where you can get to in a short space of time. Enjoy your ride this week as you push yourself on the "life drive" and please have your seat belt on.

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Garbage truck encounters

In the rush to freshen up and get out of the gym, this guy was washing his hands next to an automatic hand dryer and moved too close it that it automatically went off with the usual loud hissing noise blowing air towards him. The humble gentleman was so startled that he bumped his head from the sudden movement he made in fear, then immediately laughed at himself and at the hand dryer while nursing his head. As I watched this situation I thought about how another person could have handled the same incident, probably banging and cursing that poor machine, which I have seen happen before in other instances. I once read an article about “garbage trucks” moving around looking for someone to dump their load on. Not literal garbage trucks, but an analogy of situations, incidents or miserable, gloomy, moody and sometimes angry people who act like fully loaded garbage trucks looking for someone ‘clean’ to dump their garbage on. Do not for a moment be fooled by the clean dump truck representation herein, I am just being sensitive to your situation unknown to me as you read, because dump trucks are quite messy. We all get that and you could have just had such an experience today as you read this article and it can affect how our day goes. There you are, having a great day and someone acts like they just woke up to mess your day. I mean they literally act like they have been sent out on a ‘mission impossible’ to suck up every last bit of peace, vibrance and joy you have within you and clone their misery in you. Whether you are on the road in traffic, in a mall, at a market or at work, there can be that garbage truck driving around and ready to offload on you and make you as miserable as they are on impact. Keep your bay clean and avoid being dumped on. Most times in a work environment you can detect the truck before it hits and offloads on you. The fact that someone acts towards you in a certain way does not hand you one option to respond back. You have at least two choices to react, negatively, losing it and completely going nuts while emotionally draining yourself in the process, or positively, remaining calm, composed and peaceful and realising a garbage truck when it is in action while retaining your energy for more productive use. Once you know this truth, you can be alert and ensure your day is not determined by situations and people in a negative way. I try to deal with people and incidents by strategically pre-planning the way I react and respond, as it gives me leverage and may help the other party as well. As a value add, a gym work out helps, because heavy iron has a way of absorbing garbage. Watch out for garbage trucks and avoid impact that steals your joy because, believe me you will meet or pass them, figuratively and literally. How have you dealt with garbage trucks lately?

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Hidden treasures walking past

I have previously passed people in a street, mall or a staircase, without thinking much about what I am passing by. Yes I walk past a male or female figure but my writing passion has made me realise how much more I fore-go when I pass someone anywhere without interacting with them. When I walk past someone, I am walking past treasures of expression, experience, information, knowledge, tears, hopes, dreams, thoughts, views and opinions, bottled up one person. I recently read about what made people blog in one of my associate writing groups and that is when I started viewing people I come across differently. Now this bring an interesting perspective to light. How many times in a day or a week does one reach out to treasures outside their own? How open is one to sharing their own treasures with that of others? It is like there is a digital timer running each time you walk past people and their treasures of information, inspiration, education and more. The timer goes up when you ignore the treasure and goes down when you tap into it. Every time you decide to reach out of your comfort zone to ask someone one question, can unleash treasures you never thought you would get in a day. It is not everyday that I feel like opening my mouth to have conversation with a stranger but most times it has been worth while. So today I challenge you to reach out and not let hidden yet free treasures pass your by. Tap into the treasures around you and gain more treasures for yourself.

Image from Timitrius